Harden Elkington
Both success and failure can provide us with valuable information about how to reach our goals. The only problem is that we don’t always learn the right lessons.
Many times we learn exactly the lesson we need to avoid in order to maintain our success!
What usually happens is that, at first, it’s easy for us to ignore any negative aspects of failure. This is especially true if our failures are few and far between.
We tend to only focus on the positive; that is, “I learned what to do to win next time.” But what happens when our failures become more frequent?
The moment we fail again, we feel bad about ourselves. We tell ourselves that it’s unacceptable to make the same mistakes over and over.
We begin to think of failure as a permanent condition because if there is even a slight chance that something can go wrong, failure is the most likely outcome.
As a result, we become afraid of failure, especially public failure. We feel that if people perceive us as losers then our lives will be ruined forever.
This leads to an even greater fear of failure because now not only have we developed a negative attitude towards it but also what others might think about it!
Why do we love success?
For some reason, most of us are programmed to believe that success will be the outcome if we just do what everyone tells us to do.
If you go to class, study hard, get good grades, and then graduate college with a degree in hand then this is supposed to guarantee success.
Of course, there’s no guarantee of success for anyone. The moment we graduate with a promising future ahead of us, the world begins to change.
And so do we – we change and grow and learn new things that often require us to re-evaluate our beliefs and goals.
Failure is precisely what happens when our plans don’t work out as expected.
We test our limits by making mistakes but these mistakes are the results of our curiosity and exploration, not a failure to meet expectations. Only when we expect something from ourselves do we get disappointed.
It’s this disappointment that changes our attitude towards failure.
Instead of being open to new possibilities, we tell ourselves that it’s unacceptable to fail or make mistakes. We become obsessed with success and expect everything to go perfectly according to plan because what other choice do we have?
How do I stop being scared of failure?
We can’t just tell ourselves that it’s okay to fail and expect the fear to disappear. The solution is a two-part process:
- Identify what you’re afraid of
- Accept responsibility for your failures.
“Identifying fears” consists of asking yourself why you feel bad when you think about failing?
What exactly are you afraid of?
Do you worry that others will judge you negatively or think less of you?
What would this outcome mean to your life?
No outcome is permanent.
Even if someone thinks badly of you because you failed, their thoughts are temporary. They’re not thinking about what happened yesterday; they’re worried about what’s happening today and maybe even tomorrow.
They’re not thinking about you; they’re thinking about themselves.
When you do fail, take responsibility for what went wrong instead of pointing fingers at others or blaming the situation.
This takes courage because it means that you have to admit that things didn’t go as expected, but it’s this very act that makes people respect you more in the long run.
Taking responsibility also means not allowing yourself to get discouraged because failure is important for success! It’s what you learn afterward that gives your life meaning.
Things To Remember About Failure
3 Things To Remember About Failure:
- There is no such thing as permanent failure; there are only lessons learned.
- Learning from mistakes can be painful, but it’s better than not learning anything at all.
- Failure is a temporary condition; if you’re down then tomorrow things will be different.
People often think that by accepting responsibility for their mistakes they’re making everything worse, but there’s no such thing as good or bad – these notions only exist in our minds and the mind is like a parachute, it doesn’t work when it’s closed.
Remember that failure isn’t fatal.
When you do fail, don’t let this stop you from trying what you have to again…and again…and again until you succeed!
Do relationships affect success?
Yes.
Progress in your career or personal life is closely linked with the people you associate with because they can either support or sabotage your efforts to succeed.
Successful relationships are all about balance where both parties benefit from the relationship without working against each other, but this isn’t always easy to achieve when it comes to money or power.
When one party starts demanding too much, the relationship becomes unbalanced and both sides suffer in their own way.
Instead of focusing on what you can get from others, focus on creating a stable environment where you help each other succeed but in a mutually beneficial way.
This means that when one person fails it doesn’t mean that the whole house of cards comes tumbling down.
Success doesn’t come from what you can get, but from creating and strengthening relationships that will help you grow as a person and achieve the things that really matter to you!
- Related post: Steps To Writing Your Own Simple Self Improvement Plan
- Related post: Difficult experiences have the potential to transform us
How do I stay motivated?
There is no one-size-fits-all solution because we’re all different. Some people find motivation by thinking about who they’re doing something for while others focus on why they want to do it in the first place.
If your goal is clear then you’ll be motivated by the knowledge that what you’re doing matters!
Sometimes it helps to break things down into smaller steps so that nothing seems overwhelming, but if you have a lot of heavy-duty work ahead of you then it’s a good idea to have a reward ready for when you’ve finished.
Don’t reward yourself with something that will damage your health because then, in the long run, you’ll lose!
Being motivated is important if you want to achieve anything in life, but this requires more than just being determined. You have to keep an eye on the bigger picture so that your goals are always in sight.
When you do this, success is inevitable!
Final Thought
Be aware of the things that affect your motivation because these are the things that will either help you succeed or hold you back.
It’s hard to have an easy ride so expect bumps along the way, but don’t let this stop you from trying to achieve what is important for YOU!
Don’t forget that failure isn’t fatal, so when you do fail try again!
Success is often linked with what you will learn beforehand which means that each mistake is a lesson learned.
If you’re not learning anything then this time wasn’t wasted because everything has a purpose in life that helps us grow as people.
To stay motivated it’s important to remember why you started doing something in the first place, sometimes it helps if you break your goals down into smaller steps that are easily achievable, but don’t jeopardize the big picture!
Remember that success isn’t something you can get, instead, focus on creating relationships that will support your efforts to be who you want to be and help you grow accordingly.
