How to Help Someone with Low Self-Esteem: A Complete Guide

Watching someone you care about battle low self-esteem can feel like watching a friend try to swim with a backpack full of bricks. You want to help, but you’re not sure how. Maybe it’s your best friend who jokes about themselves a little too harshly, or a sibling who rejects every compliment like it’s a scam. It hurts to see, right?

The truth is, low self-esteem is way more common than you think—and it can affect everything from friendships to future dreams. Research even shows it’s linked to anxiety, depression, and messy relationships.

Understanding Low Self-Esteem: What You’re Really Dealing With

Before you can help someone with low self-esteem, you need to know what’s actually going on. This isn’t just “ugh, bad day vibes.” It’s a long-term habit of seeing yourself through a foggy, negative filter—like looking in a mirror that lies all the time.

People dealing with this often brush off their wins, compare themselves to everyone (and somehow always lose), or dodge new challenges because they’re scared of failing. These habits don’t pop up overnight—they usually grow from tough experiences, unhealthy relationships, or even stuff wired into the brain.

And here’s the wild part: psychologists say self-esteem jumps around throughout life, especially during your teen years—yep, the exact phase you’re in. But anyone can struggle with it. Spotting the signs early is your superpower in helping someone feel seen, supported, and a little less alone.

Creating a Foundation of Trust and Understanding

The best way to help someone with low self-esteem is to be the one place where they feel safe, heard, and not judged. Think of it like being the friend who lets them take off their emotional backpack without worrying it’ll get dropped.

Start by really listening—like, actually listening. Don’t rush to fix things or say, “Don’t worry about it.” Just hear them out and show you get it. Even a simple “That makes sense why you’d feel that way” can hit harder than any advice.

And be consistent. People with low self-esteem often expect others to give up on them, so showing up—checking in, keeping promises, being there when they need you—proves you mean what you say.

The Power of Genuine, Specific Compliments

Generic compliments are like cheap candy: sweet for one second, then gone. People with low self-esteem usually don’t believe them anyway.

So be specific. Instead of “You’re amazing,” try “Hey, the way you handled that group project was impressive—you kept everyone on track.” Specific praise is harder for them to brush off because it’s tied to something real.

Studies even show that detailed, genuine compliments help rewire negative self-beliefs. Basically, when you point out real things they did well, you help them see the version of themselves they keep forgetting exists.

Encouraging Small Steps and Celebrating Progress

People with low self-esteem often set goals so huge they feel like trying to climb Mount Everest… in flip-flops. You can help by encouraging tiny steps—things that feel doable, not terrifying.

Maybe it’s learning a simple recipe, taking a short walk, or texting a friend back. These “small wins” add up, and celebrating them (yes, even the tiny ones) helps break the cycle of “I’m never good enough.” Try doing things together—joining a class, working on a project, or just cheering them on. Every win, no matter how small, chips away at that loud inner critic.

Challenging Negative Self-Talk (Gently)

People with low self-esteem say things to themselves they would never say to someone they care about. When you catch them being their own bully, gently call it out. Ask stuff like, “Would you say that to your best friend?” or “Is that actually true, or just your brain being dramatic?”

You’re not trying to argue with their feelings—just helping them notice when their thoughts are being unfair. Therapy research shows this kind of gentle challenge is super effective.

So when they say, “I’m bad at everything,” you can remind them of real moments that prove otherwise—like the time they solved a messy problem or helped someone out. Sometimes they just need someone to hold up a more honest mirror.

Knowing When to Suggest Professional Help

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is admit the situation needs more than your support. If someone’s low self-esteem is messing with their daily life, mixed with anxiety or depression, or tied to past trauma, a trained professional can help in ways you can’t.

Watch for signs like constant negative thoughts, avoiding everyone, struggling at school, risky behavior, or saying things that sound hopeless. Suggesting therapy doesn’t mean you “failed”—it means you care enough to call in reinforcements. You can say something like, “I can see how hard this is for you. Talking to someone trained in this stuff might really help.”

What Not to Do: Common Mistakes to Avoid

Even with good intentions, you can accidentally make things worse. Don’t compare them to other people—it just keeps the toxic comparison cycle going. And avoid shutting down their feelings with “just be positive” or “don’t think that way.” That stuff feels invalidating, like telling someone with a broken leg to “walk it off.”

And don’t turn their self-esteem into your personal mission. You’re not their life coach, and they’re not a project. They’re a person on a long, sometimes messy journey. Your role is to walk beside them—not drag them to the finish line.

Building Long-Term Support Strategies

Helping someone with low self-esteem isn’t a “say one nice thing and boom—they’re healed” situation. It’s more like being the steady friend who sticks around, even when things move slowly. Encourage them to take care of themselves—sleep, food, hobbies, moving their body. These basics seem boring, but they’re like the Wi-Fi of mental health: nothing works well without them.

And make sure you’re not their only support system. Help them connect with other friends, family, clubs, or communities. The more people cheering them on, the stronger they’ll feel.

The Ripple Effect of Your Support

When you help someone grow healthier self-esteem, it doesn’t just change them—it changes everything around them. They build better friendships, go after their goals, and even start supporting others. It’s like tossing a tiny pebble into a lake and watching the waves spread out.

Just remember: you can’t do the work for them. Their growth is their journey. But your steady support can be the safety net that helps them keep climbing, even on the tough days.

Moving Forward with Compassion

Helping someone with low self-esteem is a balancing act—you’re cheering them on, setting boundaries, and trying not to burn yourself out all at once. There will be days when it feels like nothing is changing, but trust me: your steady, genuine support does matter, even when you can’t see the results yet.

And don’t forget about you. Supporting someone can be emotionally heavy, and you can’t be their anchor if you’re sinking yourself. Rest, get help when you need it, and keep your own boundaries strong.