Harden Elkington
Picture a life unencumbered by the heavy load of seeking validation from others.
A life where the decisions you make are steered by your own internal direction, rather than the sway of external opinions.
The pursuit of approval often feels like an endless quest, but take heart, for it’s a journey you can rise above.
Within this guide, we will navigate the challenging currents of approval-seeking, delving into its origins, and uncovering effective strategies to liberate yourself and wholeheartedly embrace the genuine essence of who you are.
Why Do We Seek Approval from Others?
The intricate phenomenon of approval-seeking encompasses a multifaceted tapestry intricately woven from a myriad of threads, each contributing to its complex composition.
Low self-esteem
When our self-worth falters, we sometimes instinctively seek external validation as a form of support.
Struggling with low self-esteem can cloud our own perception of our value, leading us to seek validation and affirmation from others.
This pursuit of external validation might offer momentary relief from the uncertainties within, but it’s essential to recognize that the true path toward healing and embracing oneself begins from within, involving a journey of self-discovery and self-compassion.
Fear of rejection
The dread of encountering rejection, the prospect of being overlooked or marginalized, holds the potential to wield significant influence over our behavior.
The looming fear of being shunned or brushed aside can give rise to a pervasive sense of apprehension, prompting us to take extraordinary measures to secure a sense of belonging and recognition.
This fear of rejection becomes a driving force, guiding our choices and actions, as we seek external validation to shield ourselves from the emotional distress that comes with feelings of exclusion or isolation.
Learned behavior
In our formative years, the experiences we undergo and the prevailing societal norms around us play a pivotal role in shaping our tendencies as chronic approval-seekers.
The lessons and impressions we absorb during our early stages of development can etch a pattern in our psyche, leading us to seek validation and acceptance from others as a way to navigate the world.
These learned behaviors can become deeply ingrained, driving our actions and choices even as we grow older unless we consciously address and reshape them.
The Negative Effects of Seeking Approval
While seeking approval is a natural human tendency, it can usher in a parade of detrimental consequences:
Low self-worth
Struggling with diminished self-worth can gradually erode your innate sense of value if you rely solely on the opinions of others.
Depending heavily on external validation can become a crutch that hinders you from acknowledging and nurturing your inherent worth.
Over time, this pattern can lead to a dwindling self-perception, where your self-esteem becomes increasingly intertwined with the opinions and judgments of those around you.
Anxiety
Constantly worrying about others’ perceptions can foster a continuous state of anxiety.
When your thoughts are persistently occupied with concerns about how you’re being perceived or evaluated by others, it creates fertile ground for anxiety to take hold.
This ongoing apprehension about external viewpoints can feed a sense of uneasiness, making it difficult to find tranquility and detracting from your ability to fully engage in the present moment.
Depression
Engaging in a repetitive cycle of pursuing approval and subsequently facing disappointment can potentially lead to a downward spiral into depression.
When you continually seek validation from external sources and encounter repeated letdowns, it can deeply affect your emotional well-being.
The persistent cycle of hope, followed by letdown, can create feelings of sadness, worthlessness, and despair, contributing to the onset or exacerbation of depressive symptoms.
How to Stop Seeking Approval
Identify your triggers
Take a moment to pinpoint the triggers that set off your inclination to seek approval.
These triggers could be specific situations, certain individuals, or particular environments that tend to activate your tendency to prioritize external validation.
The crucial initial step in liberating yourself from the cycle of approval-seeking is cultivating awareness.
By acknowledging and identifying these triggers, you pave the way to dismantling the pattern that keeps you tethered to seeking validation from others.
Build your self-esteem
Invest in nurturing your self-esteem by taking deliberate steps to recognize your strengths and wholeheartedly accepting your imperfections.
This process involves acknowledging your unique qualities, talents, and accomplishments, which collectively contribute to your inherent worth.
Simultaneously, it entails embracing the aspects of yourself that might not align with conventional ideals of perfection.
Thus, you make a strong groundwork of confidence that is less dependent on outside approval and more established in your certifiable mindfulness and self-acknowledgment.
Set and achieve goals
Focus your attention on personal growth and the pursuit of meaningful objectives to validate yourself.
By establishing purposeful goals and actively striving to attain them, you transition the locus of validation from external approval to your individual achievements.
This transformative process involves channeling your energy into endeavors that resonate with your values, aspirations, and passions.
With each successful accomplishment, you fortify your sense of self-worth through your own dedication and hard work, gradually reducing the reliance on validation from others.
Learn to say “No”
Nurture the ability to set boundaries by embracing the skill of saying “no” when necessary.
Understand that turning down specific requests or opportunities doesn’t diminish your intrinsic value.
Learning to decline with grace is a practice rooted in honoring your limitations and prioritizing your overall well-being. It serves as a crucial facet of self-care and self-respect.
By integrating this skill, you send a powerful message both to yourself and others—your worth is not contingent on perpetual agreement or meeting every demand, but rather on your ability to make choices that align with your needs and values.
Focus on your own happiness
Shift your attention from the constant endeavor to satisfy others and instead channel your energy towards engaging in activities that authentically contribute to your happiness.
Embrace the practice of redirecting your efforts towards pursuits that resonate with your personal interests and passions, those that genuinely bring you a sense of joy and fulfillment.
By prioritizing your own happiness, you create a foundation of self-value that isn’t determined by seeking approval from external sources.
Final Thought
Confronting and overcoming the grip of approval-seeking is akin to stepping out of a dimly lit cave and into the illuminating sunlight of self-assuredness.
In this transformative voyage, hold onto the understanding that your value is not tethered to the viewpoints held by others.
Much like the legendary phoenix, you have the potential to ascend beyond the need for external validation and immerse yourself in the luminous radiance of your genuine self.
This journey is about reclaiming your autonomy, nurturing self-love, and embracing the authenticity that defines you.
FAQs
Seeking occasional validation is natural, but when it dominates your decision-making and self-esteem, it can hinder personal growth.
Yes, constantly seeking approval may strain relationships, as authenticity and mutual respect can be compromised.
Healthy feedback is constructive and allows room for growth. Approval-seeking hinges on an insatiable desire for validation.
It’s a journey that requires effort and self-reflection, but the liberation and self-confidence gained are immeasurable rewards.
