Harden Elkington
Ever wondered why people born with high emotional intelligence have a leg up over the rest of us? The secret lies in how they think and act differently than everyone else.
They don’t ask these five questions, which is why they suffer less stress and burnout than those who do.
What’s more, the individuals who ask these inquiries may have poor emotional intelligence and as a result, might miss important social signals.
They are oblivious to their own presence and how it influences others. This can lead to issues, especially during the holiday season.
People with low emotional intelligence may ask inquisitive, invasive, and useless questions. Instead of fostering connections, they inquire in a way that makes people uncomfortable and self-conscious.
Here are five inquiries such individuals might ask during the holidays—and what to ask instead.
People with low emotional intelligence may ask
Instead of fostering connections, people with low emotional intelligence inquire in a way that makes people uncomfortable and self-conscious.
Here are five inquiries such individuals might ask.
1. When are you getting a real job?
People with low emotional intelligence often come off as judgmental and patronizing.
Their questions belittle and put others on the defense—or even worse, cause the recipient to become insecure and question themselves.
Instead of asking what appears to be a rhetorical statement or an insult disguised as concern.
Instead, ask:
- “What projects are you working on these days?”
- “What are your aspirations at work?”
- “I’d love to hear more about your work and how you’re finding it so far.”
2. When are you having kids?
The asker’s intentions may be innocent.
They might genuinely want to know and care about their friend or family member, but the question can come across as accusatory and desperate for a certain response—and it puts pressure on the recipient to answer on the spot.
3. Have you gained/lost weight?
People with low emotional intelligence often make others feel uncomfortable through inappropriate touching, leaning in too close during conversations, or assuming they can speak freely about intimate topics.
Instead of making their concern known through a question that makes the recipient self-conscious, ask
Try instead:
- “I love how optimistic you are.”
- “You are such a generous person.”
- “I really appreciate your sense of humor.”
4. Why aren’t you dating/married?
This question often comes across as intrusive and nosy.
It can make the recipient feel pressured and uncomfortable. People with low emotional intelligence often ask this question because they are lonely and looking for connection, but it’s not the right way to go about it.
Try instead:
- “Tell us more about the relationships in your life.”
- “Have you made any new friendships recently?”
- “How is your support system?”
5. How much money are you making these days?
Money is a taboo topic for many people, and asking someone about their financial situation can make them feel defensive and uncomfortable. It’s none of your business, after all.
Instead, ask:
- “How is work going these days?”
- “What other positions/projects are you passionate about?”
Intelligent people don’t ask these five questions, which is why they suffer less stress and burnout than those who do. What’s more, the individuals who ask these inquiries may have poor emotional intelligence and as a result, might miss important social signals.
They are oblivious to their own presence and how it influences others.
- Related post: What is the highest form of human intelligence
- Related post: The difference between being smart and being intelligent
Conclusion
Over time, people may even get sick of the hostility and unkindness they encounter from some individuals. They may feel fatigued by having to put out effort only to receive a cold shoulder in return.
As Aldous Huxley once said, “Perhaps men and women must be very different before a friendship can be possible.”
When you lack emotional intelligence, you may not realize when you’re being actively aggressive with people. Your tone is snippy, your body language is confrontational, and your comments are gruff.
People with low emotional intelligence often come off as judgmental and patronizing. Their questions belittle and put others on the defense—or even worse, cause the recipient to become insecure and question themselves.
