Winton Eliott
We all want to be our best selves.
Society constantly pushes the idea that we should be improving, achieving, and striving for perfection in every aspect of life.
Whether it’s career success, fitness goals, or personal development, the pressure to be “better” never seems to stop.
But what if the relentless pursuit of self-improvement is actually causing more harm than good?
The Pressure of Perfection
Social media’s unrealistic standards
Social media amplifies these pressures.
Every day, we scroll through curated highlights of other people’s lives—perfect vacations, fit bodies, successful careers, and seemingly effortless happiness.
This creates unrealistic expectations about what a “best self” should look like.
A study published in JAMA Psychiatry found that higher social media use is linked to increased anxiety and depression, particularly among young adults.
Constant exposure to idealized images can make you feel inadequate and lead to harmful self-comparisons.
The endless to-do list of self-improvement
Self-improvement culture thrives on making people feel like they need to do more.
There’s always a new habit to adopt, a book to read, or a skill to learn.
This creates a never-ending to-do list, which can become exhausting rather than empowering.
A 2021 study in The Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that excessive self-improvement efforts can lead to burnout, especially when individuals set unrealistic expectations for themselves.
When improvement becomes a duty rather than a choice, it no longer serves its original purpose.
Fear of failure and judgment
The fear of not meeting high expectations often leads to anxiety and avoidance.
People may procrastinate on tasks because they worry about failing, or they might avoid trying new things altogether.
Psychologists call this the “paradox of perfectionism”—the higher the standards, the harder it becomes to take action.
A 2018 study in Personality and Social Psychology Review showed that perfectionists are more likely to experience chronic stress and lower life satisfaction.
The Problem with “Best”
“Best” is subjective and ever-changing
What does it really mean to be your “best self”?
For some, it’s about excelling in their career, while for others, it’s about fitness, relationships, or personal development.
The idea of “best” isn’t fixed—it changes over time and varies from person to person.
This makes it a moving target, something you can never fully achieve because the goalposts keep shifting.
Ignoring your present self
When you focus too much on becoming your “best self” in the future, you risk ignoring the person you are today.
It’s easy to think, “I’ll be happy once I achieve this goal,” but often, reaching that goal doesn’t bring the lasting happiness you expected.
This mindset can leave you feeling stuck in a cycle of always wanting more, instead of appreciating where you are now.
The illusion of control
Many people turn to self-improvement as a way to take control of their lives.
But life is full of surprises, and not everything can be planned or controlled.
While working on yourself is important, it’s equally important to recognize that some things are beyond your control.
Accepting this can help you find peace and focus on what truly matters.
Signs You’re Too Stressed by “Best Self”
Physical symptoms
When the pressure to be your “best self” becomes too much, your body often sends signals.
You might feel constantly tired, even after resting.
Headaches or migraines could become more frequent, and your muscles might feel tight or tense.
Trouble sleeping—whether it’s falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up feeling unrested—can also be a sign that the stress is taking a toll on your body.
Emotional symptoms
Emotionally, the stress of chasing an ideal can leave you feeling drained.
You might start doubting yourself constantly, wondering if you’re good enough.
Anxiety or feelings of depression can creep in, and you may feel overwhelmed or like you’re never measuring up.
These emotions can make it hard to enjoy life or feel confident in your choices.
Behavioral symptoms
The pressure to be perfect can also change how you act.
You might procrastinate on tasks because you’re afraid of failing or not doing them perfectly.
On the other hand, you could become obsessed with self-improvement, constantly trying to fix or optimize every part of your life.
You might even start avoiding social situations because you compare yourself to others and feel like you don’t measure up.
What to Do Instead
Focus on progress, not perfection
Instead of chasing an impossible ideal, focus on making small, meaningful steps forward.
Celebrate even the little wins, and remind yourself that growth is a process, not something you can finish.
Life is about moving forward, not reaching a perfect end point.
Practice self-compassion
Research shows that being kind to yourself can lower stress and help you bounce back from challenges.
When you make mistakes, treat yourself with the same understanding you’d offer a friend.
Remember, no one is perfect—it’s okay to be human.
Prioritize well-being
Rather than constantly pushing yourself to improve, make your mental and physical health a priority.
Take breaks when you need them, get enough rest, and make time for activities that bring you joy.
A balanced life is more fulfilling than one driven by endless self-improvement.
Re-evaluate your definition of “best”
Ask yourself: Are my goals truly aligned with what I value, or am I just trying to meet someone else’s expectations?
Redefine success on your own terms.
When your goals reflect what matters most to you, the pressure to be “perfect” starts to fade.
Disconnect and reflect
Take regular breaks from social media and self-improvement content.
Use that time to reflect on what makes you happy right now, instead of always focusing on the future.
Sometimes, stepping back helps you see what truly matters.
Final Thoughts
Striving to be your “best self” can sometimes do more harm than good if it leaves you feeling stressed or constantly criticizing yourself.
Instead of chasing an idea of perfection that keeps shifting, focus on accepting who you are, finding balance, and making meaningful progress.
Keep in mind, you don’t have to be perfect to live a happy and fulfilling life.
FAQs
No, self-improvement is beneficial when approached with balance. However, excessive self-criticism and unrealistic expectations can lead to stress and burnout.
Practice self-compassion, focus on progress rather than perfection, and take breaks from social media comparisons.
Society conditions us to equate productivity with self-worth. It’s important to recognize that rest and enjoyment are just as valuable as achievement.
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