Harden Elkington
Every relationship hits a bump in the road occasionally. But when you’re in a friendship that feels rocky all the time, it might be because one or both of you are commitment phobic.
People who are commitment phobic often have a fear of being trapped in any kind of relationship. They may feel like they can’t handle the responsibility that comes with being close to someone else.
So instead, they pull away from their friends and loved ones.
This can be a pattern in their lives for many reasons. Maybe they had a difficult childhood, or their last relationship ended badly. Or maybe they simply find it easier to avoid the risk of ending up hurt again.
But even when it becomes clear that their behavior is causing problems in their relationships, commitment phobics have trouble overcoming the fear that holds them back.
If you have a friend who is commitment phobic, there are a few things you can do to help them.
First, try not to take their behavior personally. It’s not about you, it’s about their fear.
Second, be supportive and understanding. Let your friend know that you’re there for them, no matter what.
Finally, try to be patient and compassionate. They may need time before they can open up to you completely.
What is commitment phobia?
Commitment phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, where people feel panicky about committing themselves to romantic relationships or friendships.
Commitment phobics often find it hard to trust others, and they may be scared of being hurt or let down.
This can make it difficult for them to form close relationships with other people.
People who are commitment phobic may also have a fear of being trapped in any kind of relationship. They may feel like they can’t handle the responsibility that comes with being close to someone else.
So instead, they pull away from their friends and loved ones.
This can be a pattern in their lives for many reasons. Maybe they had a difficult childhood, or their last relationship ended badly. Or maybe they simply find it easier to avoid the risk of ending up hurt again.
But even when it becomes clear that their behavior is causing problems in their relationships, commitment phobics have trouble overcoming the fear that holds them back.
Is commitment phobia different from love avoidance?
Yes – although the two conditions may seem interchangeable, they are actually very different.
People who struggle with love avoidance may have trouble with the idea of being in a committed romantic relationship. But they are not fearful of all kinds of relationships.
They might still be able to have friendships, for example, or work commitments.
What causes commitment phobia?
In most cases, people who are commitment phobic have trouble overcoming their fear because they don’t know how.
They may have been suffering from the condition since childhood without even realizing it.
This means that they never learned healthy ways to overcome their anxiety.
In some cases, commitment phobia can be caused by a traumatic event, such as a bad breakup or the death of a loved one.
How can I help someone with commitment phobia?
People who are commitment phobic often find that their panic about being in a relationship or friendship becomes worse if their loved ones get too close.
After all, the more you get to know someone, the more risk there is of getting hurt.
So it’s important not to pressure your friend into opening up too soon.
Instead, try to be supportive and understanding.
Let them know that you’re there for them, no matter what.
And be patient – it may take time before they feel comfortable opening up to you completely.
If you can provide a calm and supportive environment, your friend is more likely to overcome their fear in the long run.
- See also: Ways to building strong and long-lasting connections
- See also: Feel more connected to others
What are the symptoms of commitment phobia?
Commitment phobics may find it particularly hard to make plans for the future with their partner.
They might agree to go away on holiday together or move in together, but then change their minds at the last minute.
On the other hand, they might push their partners to do these things, even if they’re not ready.
People who are commitment phobic may also be very needy and clingy one moment, and then distant the next.
They might change their minds about what they want from a relationship a lot, which can be confusing for their partners. And they may often withdraw their support or love at the slightest hint of conflict.
If you think you or someone you know may be suffering from commitment phobia, it’s important to seek professional help. This is the only way to overcome the fear and start having healthy relationships.
Conclusion
Commitment phobia is a very real condition that can be difficult to overcome.
But with the right support, it is possible. If you have a friend who is struggling with commitment phobia, be there for them and offer your understanding and patience.
In time, they may be able to overcome their fear and have healthy, happy relationships.
