Winton Eliott
When someone’s behavior gets in the way of their goals or everyday life, it is called self-sabotaging.
People are rarely aware that they are self-sabotaging, and attaching a consequence to behavior is unlikely to cause someone to give up.
Self-sabotaging behavior often boils down to a fear of failure or success.
A person who is afraid of success might subconsciously undermine their own efforts in order to make sure they don’t succeed. They might procrastinate or put off taking action until it’s too late.
What is self sabotaging?
Self sabotaging behavior is any action that intentionally undermines your own long-term goals and objectives. This can take many forms, from procrastination and self-doubt to risky behaviors and addictions.
In some cases, self sabotage may be a way of coping with anxiety or stress. However, it can also be a form of self-destructive behavior driven by negative patterns of thinking.
Ultimately, self sabotage can prevent you from achieving your full potential and lead to feelings of stagnation, frustration, and despair.
If you find yourself engaging in self sabotaging behaviors, it is important to seek out professional help. Only by addressing the underlying causes of your behavior can you hope to overcome this destructive pattern.
Why do we self-sabotage in relationships?
There are many reasons why people self-sabotage in relationships. It includes:
Fear of intimacy
Fear of intimacy is a real phenomenon that can impact both men and women. It can manifest itself in a number of ways, but the core issue is usually a fear of getting too close to another person.
This might be because the person is afraid of being rejected or hurt. As a result, they might unconsciously sabotage the relationship by pushing their partner away.
Fear of abandonment
Fear of abandonment is another common reason why people self-sabotage in relationships.
This may be because the person has experienced trauma or loss in the past, which has left them feeling insecure and afraid of being abandoned.
As a result, they may unconsciously push their partner away before they have a chance to leave.
Low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem often find it difficult to believe that someone could love them for who they are. As a result, they may unconsciously sabotage the relationship in order to protect themselves from being hurt.
This might manifest itself as jealousy or possessiveness, or it might be something as simple as always putting their partner’s needs before their own.
Whatever the reason, self sabotaging behavior can have a detrimental effect on relationships. If you find yourself engaging in these behaviors, it is important to seek out professional help.
What are examples of self-sabotage in relationships?
There are many examples of self-sabotage in relationships. Here are a few of the most common:
Constant criticism
If you find yourself constantly criticizing your partner, this may be a form of self-sabotage. This is because criticism can be a way of pushing your partner away before they have a chance to leave.
It can also be a way of protecting yourself from getting too close.
Jealousy and possessiveness
Jealousy and possessiveness are other common examples of self-sabotage in relationships. These behaviors usually stem from a fear of abandonment or low self-esteem.
If you find yourself feeling jealous or possessive, it is important to seek out professional help.
Always putting your partner’s needs before your own
If you find yourself always putting your partner’s needs before your own, this may be a form of self-sabotage. This is because you may be afraid of being rejected or abandoned.
It can also be a way of protecting yourself from getting too close.
What are the consequences of self-sabotage in relationships?
The consequences of self-sabotage in relationships can be severe. If left unchecked, it can lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
It can also cause feelings of resentment, bitterness, and despair. If you find yourself engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, it is important to seek out professional help.
Only by addressing the underlying causes of your behavior can you hope to overcome this destructive pattern.
How do you deal with self-sabotaging your partner?
If you find yourself self-sabotaging your partner, there are several ways to deal with it.
Identify the underlying cause of your behavior
This might be a fear of intimacy, a fear of abandonment, or low self-esteem. Once you have identified the cause, you can begin to work on addressing it.
Communicate with your partner
It is important to let them know what you are feeling and why you are behaving the way you are. This will help them to understand and support you.
Seek professional help
If you find that you are unable to overcome your self-sabotaging behavior on your own, it is important to seek out professional help. This might be in the form of therapy or counseling.
Only by addressing the underlying causes of your behavior can you hope to overcome this destructive pattern.
The takeaway
As anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows, they can be complex and challenging. One of the most difficult aspects of a relationship is dealing with self-sabotaging behaviors.
These are behaviors that we engage in that end up harming our relationship, even though we may not be aware of it at the time.
If left unchecked, these behaviors can lead to resentment and conflict.
However, by being mindful of our own behavior, we can learn to recognize when we’re self-sabotaging and take steps to change it.
With time and effort, we can overcome these destructive habits and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
