Harden Elkington
Avoiding suffering and attempting to make life as comfortable and simple as possible is a natural human reaction. Paradoxically, much research has shown that adversity and trauma can have beneficial long-term consequences.
Many people who undergo severe trauma develop greater depth and strength than they had before. They may even experience a startling and significant change in their lives that makes it all worthwhile.
While the prospect of personal transformation may sound appealing, it can be very frightening at first.
We tend to think of ourselves as something solid and permanent, like an old oak tree that has grown deep roots in a certain place for many decades. It is hard to imagine that we could end up totally different than we are now.
Indeed, research suggests that between half and one-third of all people go through significant personal growth as a result of traumatic events, such as bereavement, serious illness, accidents, or divorce.
They may develop new levels of inner strength and confidence over time. They also have a greater outlook on life. This is known in psychology as “post-traumatic growth.”
Although there are no guarantees, you can greatly increase your chance of benefiting from a difficult experience by preparing yourself for it and practicing some simple exercises.
If you’re willing to take full responsibility for all that happens, and try to learn from the past without falling into despair or denial, then new insight and strength may be waiting in the wings to surprise you.
Over the previous 15 years, I’ve studied an especially spectacular variety of post-traumatic growth known as “transformation through turmoil.”
It can happen to soldiers on the front lines, prisoners in camps approaching starvation, or individuals who have gone through periods of great addiction, sadness, deprivation, or sickness.
People report that they have assumed a new personality. They enter into a far more profound and all-embracing awareness, with a powerful sense of well being.
The world around them appears to be more genuine and lovely. They are more connected to other people and nature.
How can we transform from suffering?
Here are 13 reasons why difficult experiences may have the potential to transform us. In short, here are those 13 reasons:
-
Difficult experiences often cause dramatic changes in our life situation and perspective.
The loss of a job or partner, for example, can lead to a radical change of lifestyle. Often this requires us to come up with new ways of thinking and behaving.
-
Adversity forces us to learn more about our real needs .
When things are going well, we may get lazy and fail to develop the inner resources that would help us cope with difficulties.
The loss of a job or relationship can reveal that we’re not really as self-sufficient as we thought. When this happens, it forces us to become more honest with ourselves.
-
We may experience “inner death”.
Many people say their life force seemed to drain away during times of great suffering. This loss of energy made them far more receptive to the possibility of new directions.
-
We often discover inner strength we never knew we had.
Things that used to frighten or intimidate us may no longer seem so formidable when we encounter serious adversity.
People report finding a greater self-confidence and courage than they ever thought possible.
-
A deep reorientation towards the world can occur.
When everything falls apart, we may suddenly find that our usual concerns and preoccupations no longer seem important.
Difficult experiences tend to leave us with a greater appreciation of the moment, whatever it might bring.
-
We can see life more clearly than before.
Many people report that their old perspectives were nothing but delusions or self-deceptions.
Once these false ideas have been stripped away, they find it far easier to see the world more honestly and authentically.
-
We start to view things that happened in a new light.
People often make dramatic changes to their value system after going through tumultuous times.
In some cases, events may cause us to focus on certain issues or views that were previously completely alien to us.
-
We can experience emotional healing.
Suffering damages our sense of well being in countless ways, but when the worst is over, we often find ourselves recovering more quickly than expected.
Many report having greater empathy for others who are suffering, and a willingness to do something about it.
-
We may become more spiritually attuned.
When everything looks bleak, we may begin to doubt our secular beliefs or search for a deeper meaning in life. Some people find God as a result of their suffering.
-
Our philosophical and spiritual views can change.
We may think all sorts of things that have nothing whatsoever to do with the actual events involved. We may have a sudden urge to read more philosophy, for example.
-
We can gain an increased sense of appreciation.
People often report that their lives never seemed so precious as they do during periods of difficulty. Personal relationships and even everyday objects take on a new importance when we realize how close we came to losing them.
-
Our suffering often leads to meaningful experiences.
Our suffering may lead us to act more heroically than we ever imagined possible. Some people who suffer greatly gain the respect of loved ones and strangers for their actions during challenging times.
-
There’s a sense of joy in knowing that you’ve survived difficult times.
People love to tell stories of how they faced the worst and somehow managed to live through it. This can be one of the most cherished life experiences, even if the story is often told in harrowing detail.
The story of people transformed
Take, for example, the tale of Adrian, who was imprisoned in Africa and underwent a change while there.
He was confined to a tiny cell for 23 hours each day with no knowledge of when he would be released. During his lengthy terms in jail, he began to examine his life and let go of the past and any feelings of failure or inadequacy.
He found that he no longer cared about his past self or reputation.
He had a little statue of the Buddha in his cell, which he had acquired on his wanderings throughout Asia.
He began to focus his attention on the statuette for lengthy periods of time in a kind of impromptu meditation exercise. Adrian began to feel more at ease after that, until something dramatic occurred:
It was as though a switch had been flicked, and I felt completely free and at ease for the first time in my life. It was a feeling of letting go and acceptance of everything and anything that might happen.
It was a release from blame, anxiety, rage, and egoism.
For three days, I experienced something that may best be described as complete joy, deep peace and a feeling of rightness with the universe.
The positive changes were all encompassing and for three days I continued to experience a complete transformation in thinking, emotion and behaviour.
Nothing mattered any more – it was if my value system had been reset to zero. Even now I cannot put it into words or give you a real explanation of what happened.’
From this revelation, the invention of wine was born. A woman named Eve had a near-death experience after 29 years of addiction.
She tried suicide because she felt physically and emotionally devastated. She survived, but her desire to drink vanished as a result of this encounter with death.
“I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize who I was,” she said. “I watched myself deteriorate. I saw the effect it had on others, and I couldn’t stand to take myself back there.”
She began to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings again even though she didn’t have a problem with drinking anymore. The idea of sobriety was appealing because she thought her life might be more meaningful if she didn’t drink.
She got another chance because of what she calls a “God moment.”
Eve initially found herself perplexed by her metamorphosis, but she felt liberated and more connected after it was completed. She has never felt compelled to consume alcohol again and has been dry for ten years.
- See also: The power of parents’ behavioral management vs psychological control
- See also: Is minimalism really a practical and effective way to be happier
Identity crisis
It’s worth noting that a person’s spiritual beliefs have nothing to do with their experiences during turmoil. In essence, it’s a psychological occurrence linked to a loss of self-identity.
In my opinion, they’re caused by the dissolution of emotional bonds such as expectations, goals, and aspirations as well as social roles and positions.
These ties keep people grounded, but when there’s a rapid shift in life events, they can lose their sense of self because these concepts are no longer relevant. The result is the sudden loss of identity.
The concept that people have an essential self will be explored in Part 3 because it has been one of the most common beliefs throughout history.
People believe that their true self resides deep within them, but it’s sometimes hidden by social conditioning. A person has to peel away the layers of life experiences before they can reach this core concept or spirit of themselves.
Conclusion
The loss of identity may be a frightening or alienating experience, but it also has an undercurrent of hope.
It’s possible to reclaim this sense of self and even feel liberated because there are no more inhibitions or restraints to hold you back. Many people get trapped by their past, so they don’t realize that the present moment is all they really have.
It’s possible to undo years of accrued damage by letting go of fear and anxiety, but this process is challenging because it requires an abnormal level of vulnerability.
The loss of identity can be compared to peeling away the layers of an onion.
There are many guides that claim they know how to do it, but personal experiences vary. It may take years before someone gets to the center of their self.
Some aspects will be easily discarded, but others are more difficult to relinquish because they’re considered sacred. However, once you achieve this goal, it’s possible for your life to take on deeper meaning and purpose.
